I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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