wakey wakey hands off snakey
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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