I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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