I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
