I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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