Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
