I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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