I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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