remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
