I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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