An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
