He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
