you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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