No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
