Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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