This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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