omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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