if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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