Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize