haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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