She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
