just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
