you guys were way drunker than both of me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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