I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
