it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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