I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
