actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize