Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
