Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
