Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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