So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
