If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
