I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
