I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
