I puked a lego.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
