i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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