i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
