Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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