the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
