just tell him i said nine months
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
