Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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