on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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