Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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