anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
