Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
