but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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