Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize