Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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