Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
