Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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