I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
