??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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