I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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