I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He shit in the fireplace
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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