Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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