please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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