i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
