420 ftw
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
