the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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