John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
