So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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