Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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