Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
