So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
