I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
