can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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