My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize