Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
