I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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