he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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