D3 body, D1 cock
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
