so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
