I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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