Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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