so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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