you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize