you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
