When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
