There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
