Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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